Tomorrow, I’m giving away all of Ophelia’s 0-6 month clothes, save a very few sentimental pieces. Someone’s already been by tonight to collect the breastfeeding pillow. They are just things, I remind myself. Things take up space and we’re trying to declutter.
Getting rid of these first baby things has been a surprisingly emotional decision to make. Last time, they went straight up in the loft because we planned (well, hoped) to have another baby. In our minds, it was just a matter of time.
So choosing where they should go this time has felt like a statement about whether there will be any more babies. I always said there wouldn’t be. I have one sibling. Two has been the magic number in my mind. The plan has been for these clothes to go.
Then my little baby grew faster than expected. At four months, she’s already in 6-9. She’s already almost sitting unsupported. She’s already wriggling her way down the floors. She’s already not so little anymore. And the truth is, even if it hadn’t come so quickly, I still would have struggled to say, “No more.”
In fact, I got so worked up about these bags of clothes that I had to admit to myself that I wasn’t sure. More than that, that part of me wasn’t ready to close that door. A third child, though? Could I imagine us able to do it? Why did it seem a much bigger deal to consider a third when deciding to have a second was so easy?
Of course, it’s not a decision that needs to be made now. At twenty-eight, I don’t feel like rushing is necessary and we would want another age gap of a few years anyway. I acknowledged that but there was still the question of these clothes.
In the end, Laurence suggested that we just put them back in the loft and see how we feel in a couple of years. Weirdly, that freed me. I think his being willing to consider the possibility of another child made me feel like I didn’t need to hold on to these objects to keep the issue open.
Now, I can give them away. They can go clothe other people’s babies. I don’t have to think of them sitting up there, wondering what they might mean.