Love’s new language

Last week I had to write down a series of “feeling” words which described my breastfeeding experience. They were for a course I’m taking to become a breastfeeding peer supporter. As I wrote them down, I realised that their scope reached well beyond this single aspect of the last few months.

Each word on its own seems either negative or positive, something to empathise or rejoice with. Together, they become something altogether different. I haven’t journeyed from one end of this list to another.

I feel almost all these emotions every day. Sometimes I experience many of them at the same time and cannot really differentiate between them.

Worry Excitement Longing
Determination Unwillingness Frustration
Inadequacy Confusion Boredom
Entrapment Stress Survival mode
Guilt Self-pity Self-hatred
Directionless anger Desire
Obsession Desperation Love
Dedication Focus Acceptance
Power Affection Peace

Even as I reproduce these words here, I see what they’ve, only together, become. This is the code that redefines me every day, whether or not I understand or recognise it. This is the language of love.

What’s on your list?

Image: Laurence Jarrett-Kerr


7 Comments

  1. Anonymous
    February 14, 2012 / 9:46 pm

    Breastfeeding is one hell of a emotional roller-coaster, isn’t it? I find that my feelings really depend on the mood Amy is in and of course, what time of day it is. Although, I’d rather sleep at night, I find our night feeds so peaceful and lovely. x 

    • February 15, 2012 / 8:57 pm

      I remember you mentioning how distractible Amy is. Talitha is the same now. Night feeds are the sweetest. But I hate waking up every 2-3 hours! Even if it is just to flop a boob into her mouth.

      • Anonymous
        February 16, 2012 / 12:50 pm

        It’s a nightmare during daytime feeds. Only recently she has started climbing all over me WHILE she is feeding…

  2. Mum2babyinsomniac
    February 15, 2012 / 8:29 pm

    Oh this is really interesting and it is definitely an emotional rollercoaster although I haven’t had any of the problems that you have. I would love to become a breastfeeding peer supporter, I emailed the NCT a few months ago but never heard back. Where are you doing the course? x

    • February 15, 2012 / 8:55 pm

      It’s a complex journey regardless of whether you’ve had specific difficulty. You should, definitely! I’m training with Barnardos.

  3. February 15, 2012 / 11:23 pm

    I am wondering what it will be like feeding a second (easier, harder, similar, different….) as well as how the dynamic running after a toddler will affect my breastfeeding.  I guess I’ll just have to wait and see but I’m sure it will generate many emotions.

    • February 16, 2012 / 12:14 am

      I think about that too. I imagine each time is different. You’ve got experience behind you and a different baby.

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